Watching Grey’s Anatomy has increased my desire to become a surgeon. However, when I think of a specialty I want to pursue there’s only one thing I am certain of – I will never be on Oncology. I find their job really difficult and takes a lot of courage. It’s always bad news they tell to the patient’s families and if it happens to be a good one, there’s still a doubt whether that patient’s condition is going to be as good as it was when they delivered the news – whether the patient really did survive or if it’s only temporary.

I do believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason and that might have something to do with what happened minutes ago. I suddenly felt so thirsty that I had to go downstairs in a hurry. I know my parents always talked about serious things whenever my sister and I are locked up inside our rooms and that was what was happening as I went downstairs.

My aunt was detected to have a cancer. Where it was found, I have no idea. What stage it is, I am clueless. I don’t think my parents want my sister and I to know about this so they immediately changed the topic of their discussion when they saw me.

I’ve lost someone because of cancer and have watched him fight it. They said he survived but after a few months it went back and that started the most painful days of his life. I know how hard it is and I have always prayed that no one in my family would have it. I guess it’s meant to be like that but I am praying that the cancer is not as malignant as I am thinking it to be. Cancer is cancer and I’m aware of it. I’m wondering why I don’t feel as dire as what a normal person would feel when he/she receives a bad news.

Last May 27, during my mom’s birthday celebration, I heard her asking for my dad’s financial help for her operation. We didn’t know it was cancer back then and honestly, I liked her less because of what he said to my dad. It’s not that I don’t want to help but it’s because my dad does not earn as much as they think he does. In my perspective, they’re even richer than us; only that whenever they receive their salary, they will go straight to shopping and buying a variety of useless things. No one on their side is still studying, they’re not paying their rents, they all have jobs in there unlike in our family. It’s only my dad who’s providing for us and we all know how difficult life is nowadays. If only they thought of saving, they would not be asking for other people’s help. But families don’t hate and they help each other in all the ways they can. I’m sorry Mommy,  I just can’t tell myself to stop feeling that way.

Now that I know her situation, I feel terribly bad but maybe the reason why I’m not gloomier than ever is because I believe that she will survive and I know she will. I’m also afraid of my dad’s situation. He hates hospitals and he has not stop smoking since he was a teenager. I know nothing will ever convince him to have himself checked and stop his vice but I’m wishing he would gradually stop for I don’t want him to feel any pain. We all know that smoking is the leading cause of God knows what, that disease I can’t even say loudly or type or talk about. I’m asking for your prayers, my friends – for both my aunt and my dad. Thank you.


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